HOW NOT TO BE A DICK TO A SEXUALLY SUBMISSIVE WOMA

I'm into weird sex.

Some of those weird things that I like include: rough breast play including slapping, clothespins and ropes; name-calling of the slut-bitch-whore variety; forceed deepthroating; facials; rap play; spanking; dirty talk; hair-pulling; group sex; anal; and basically anything else filthy/nasty/taboo/found in your average pornographic video. Also, and here's the stuff that's more for special occasions being slapped, being spit on, being choked,etc.

I consider myself to err on the side of sexual submission. I have never been into the performative aspects of it all -- I don't wear costumes or address my sexual partners as "Master" or "Sir." I just like to do weird stuff with likeminded perverts who respect me just as much outside the bedroom as they degrade me in it.

I'm not gonna get into arguing the politics of it, except to say that my vagina has always been very unconcerned with politics and everything I'm into, I'm into playing out with consenting adults. But that doesn't mean I haven't encountered my fair share of dickishness in the world of kinky sex.

Here are some of the unique ways to be an asshole in the realm of sexual dominance and submission.

Don't try to dominate me like, while we're like, out in public.

I may be submissive in the bedroom, but I'm anything but in my everyday life. There are lots of dominant men who fully embrace and understand this dichotomy but there are some who seem to think that my sexual proclivities mean they should be able to boss me around in any given social situation.

Like the dude I dated in college who insisted I travel the hour-and-a-half train ride to his home and no bra supporting my B breasts.

Or, way worse, the dude who once "ordered" me to go find a woman for us to have sex with.

While I know there are submissive women who are interested in that kind of lifestyle play, for me submission is just for the bedroom. Don't tell that I have to wear something ridiculous in public, don't order me to send you incriminating naked photographs and don't tell me I have to respond to your emails within a certain amount of time or "be punished." I'm agreeing to submit to you during a sexual encounter, not during my day-to-day life.

Honestly, I have WAY too much shit to do to play sex games without the promise of a pretty immediate orgasm.

Being dominant is not just an excuse to be sexually selfish.

I have a huge fetish for breast play and abuse.I would be happy to spend a good hour just groping, grabbing and manhandling them with only the possibility of mutual masturbation in return. These guys exist, and I adore them.But what I quickly found is that pretty much any guy will respond figuring "Hey, I like boobs," and hoping that they'll ultimately get laid. A lot of so-called "dominant" guys seem to be playing the same game.

DS sex is still collaborative and involves mutual gratification. Submissive women still want to be touched and appreciated and we still want to have orgasms. I get off on providing sexual pleasure, but not exclusively. Our entire sexual encounter shouldn't consist of me giving you oral sex, and if it does, there's definitely not going to be another one.

Being submissive doesn't mean I don't get to have any boundaries.

The dirty little secret about kinky sex is that it's actually the "submissive" partner who is in complete control of the situation. We set up the framework and boundaries for the encounter. Safe words are there in case you overstep our boundaries. If I use a safe word, a good dominant partner will stop what he is doing immediately.

What I don't want is a dominant partner who tries to steamroll over my boundaries in the name of being "dominant," or who accuses of me of not really being submissive because I am not open to literally any deranged idea that happens to pop into his head.


Don't make degrading or humiliating comments about my body unless we've previously discussed it.

I like to be degraded and objectified. You can call me a slut cumdumpster whore and I may like it. What you can not do ever ever ever is call me "fat" or a "pig" or imply that I or any parts of my body are in any way unattractive.Some submissive women like this, I aint hating. But because of the sheer potential for emotional damage, you should never assume a woman will be into this, even if she likes to be demeaned every other which way.


Don't tell me all about the other girls you're fucking. However, do tell me if you have a girlfriend.


Just because we're having fucked-up casual sex doesn't mean I want to hear erotic details of your other conquests any more than a vanilla woman you're sleeping with. I MAY find it sexy to hear exactly what you did to that girl the other night or how hot her body was, but unless you know for a fact that I do, you should probably keep the specifics to yourself.

Although there have been many times I've wished that my "arousal template" was a little more socially normative, I can only play the vagina cards my vagina hand was dealt. Life's too short not to get off because your preferences freak some people out.

And in some ways, I'm grateful for my fetishes. While there are a lot of ways to "do it wrong" when it comes to power play and sex, for me, when it's done right, it's completely transcendent -- intense, mind-bending, and extremely fulfilling.

Just, uh, don't be a dick about it.